


Behind Blue Eyes

by livixbobbiex



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Only implied ship, can easily be read as Gen, rated t for minor descriptions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 16:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15151622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livixbobbiex/pseuds/livixbobbiex
Summary: A part of him didn’t even want to care. Like the rest of Nagisa’s friends, Karma could switch off, appreciate Nagisa for the warmness he provided. Nagisa had a way of putting most at ease, at least, and as a result seemed to get along with just about anybody. It was a rare quality, a blessing many would wish to have. Karma yearned to exist like that, to ignore the darkness.What am I doing to you?





	Behind Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> idk I just felt like writing mild angst today

“Karma kun.”

Drip.

“ _Karma kun_.”

Drip drip drip.

Nagisa sighed. “You’re not even paying attention!”

He inhaled, the oxygen burning his dry throat. The air stung just as bad coming up the other way as he released it. _Drip drip drip_. Karma’s senses were on full alert, hyperaware and ready for an attack that would never come. It was just the rain. Incessant drops of water, smacking one by one against the cheap glass windows. And then the dripping in the corner, easy leaks due to a neglected class building. It pissed him off, fist clenching around the grip of his gun. What good would it do, though, to rain a hell of bullets down on nature itself?

“My bad,” Karma said casually, feigning disinterest, looking out of the window. He kept Nagisa within the corner of his vision, though, as a precaution.  

Something in Nagisa softened. Those large, kind eyes stared at him. Like some kind of safety net. “Did you get around to that essay yet?”

That pissed him off even more. Not Nagisa asking him about school work, for sure it was vapid, non-conversation, but they both understood it was better than the silence. No, it was Nagisa’s eyes. It got underneath his skin, because it wasn’t that Nagisa was faking his personality. Karma had ruled that possibility out long ago.

The truth was, Nagisa only ever showed a certain percentage of himself at any one time. He existed only on the surface, rather than laying the depths of his soul bare. Karma couldn’t blame him for it, for a while, he could even forget, get along with Nagisa as the person he was. But then there were the battles, standing on that roof whilst Takaoka taunted them. Those eyes had flashed, cold with menace and effortless bloodlust. Right then, he’d understood fear.

And then Karma couldn’t ignore that the Nagisa he went to the movies with, the one he invited to his home, it wasn’t all of him. So Karma wanted to drag the truth out, by any means possible. He wanted to dig his nails into Nagisa’s flesh, to tug and tug away at him until he was satisfied. Even if he himself died along the way. Before, years ago, it had freaked him out, enough that he kept his distance.

But Nagisa was like a storm, a bolt of untenable and unpredictable lightning, and Karma couldn’t shoot a bullet through that. Even if he tried, it wouldn’t solve anything.

What scared Karma just that smallest bit more than Nagisa himself was that Karma couldn’t run from him. Whether Karma intentionally did it or not, he gravitated towards Nagisa, and it wasn’t something he could just give up. It had become a part of his _life_ , now, watching out for that occasional spark in his gaze of something deeper in Nagisa’s soul.

A part of him didn’t even want to care. Like the rest of Nagisa’s friends, Karma could switch off, appreciate Nagisa for the warmness he provided. Nagisa had a way of putting most at ease, at least, and as a result seemed to get along with just about anybody. It was a rare quality, a blessing many would wish to have. Karma yearned to exist like that, to ignore the darkness.

_What am I doing to you?_

Because Nagisa was sitting at the back of the classroom with _him,_ ignoring the others he could be having an actual conversation with. A part of Karma was glad of it, gloating at receiving Nagisa’s attention. But he couldn’t miss the way the others looked at them. No matter how much it didn’t bother Karma for his own sake, nor how much Nagisa insisted, it brought a frown to his face.

There was something Karma didn’t want to admit to himself. Didn’t want to _acknowledge_. But then he turned back to face Nagisa properly, receiving the beam of his smile, and his stomach twisted. In reality, Nagisa’s lighter side, definitely a legitimate part of him, needed nurturing. Anybody who could smile like that, they deserved to be treasured. Loved and appreciated and drowned in affection.

But Karma could give him that. On the one hand, that kind of thing wasn’t _him_ , plain and simple. On the other, he wouldn’t be satisfied. It was relentless. He’d never be able to stop himself, clawing away, trying to drag Nagisa’s full self out of him. What would he even do, if he managed to see it? Part of the reason he guessed Nagisa was so _addictive_ was the thirst Karma had for the truth. And he hated not knowing. Putting Nagisa through all of that, only to be done with him after? Even Karma wasn’t that cold.

“A-are you okay, Karma kun?” Nagisa finally asked, when Karma had stared for long enough.

Nagisa deserved so much more than this. More than him. A better person.

“All these _questions_ ,” Karma sighed with false drama. “You’re like a Chihuahua yapping at the postman.”

He flushed, turning his head slightly away. “You don’t need to be so short.”

Karma stared, watched the blood flow obviously under the surface of Nagisa’s skin. He wanted to draw it out. A good person would let Nagisa go, send him off to the friends who didn’t want to ruin him. Perhaps Nagisa himself should have run off, Karma certainly teased him enough. Yet he stayed.

“Come get something to eat with me later,” Karma suggested. “I have a few plans I want to discuss.”

Karma was not a good person, and he was weak.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr at either livixbobbiex, or nagisasthickthighs


End file.
